Has your spouse neglected you? Rejected you? Hurt you?
Are you struggling to get over the pain of an affair?
If your marriage is in trouble, the chances are good that you
need to put some hurt behind you.It’s one of the most common questions I get. “Mort, I want to
make my marriage work. But how do I get over the past?”
Here’s the key.
The first step is to realize what you’re REALLY trying to
accomplish. What does it REALLY mean to get over the
past?
You can’t change what happened. There’s no time machine
that can send you back to relive the past. What’s done is
done.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying that your situation
is hopeless. What I’m saying is that you first have to be clear
about what you can and cannot change. You CAN get over
your past (as I’ll explain). But you canNOT change events
that already occurred.
The good news though, is that you don’t have to change the
past in order to get over it. What you have to change is the
MEANING of the past.
Think for a moment. Was there ever a time in your life when
something horrible happened and you thought, “Why is this
happening to me?”
But then a few years later you looked back and you could
answer that question. In retrospect, you understood why it
happened. At first, it seemed like the world was caving in.
Later, it all made sense.
In fact, very often, we eventually realize that bad times are
part of a process that leads to something good!
It’s the events that FOLLOW bad times that determine the
ultimate meaning of those times.
In other words, it’s your future that determines your past;
not the other way around. And since YOU are in charge of
your future, then YOU determine the meaning of your past.
It’s interesting to think about this in the context of an age-old
question: Do we have free choice or is everything
predetermined? The answer is YES. Everything is
predetermined AND we have free choice.
It’s like when you play a card game. You get dealt a hand.
And you have no control over the cards you get dealt. It’s
predetermined.
But you also get to play that hand. You also have free choice.
Ultimately, it’s the COMBINATION of the hand you’re dealt
and the way you play it that determines the outcome. And
it’s the outcome that shapes your view of the original hand
you were dealt.
I don’t know if you’re familiar with the Bible, but it’s
interesting to note that in Chapter 1 of Genesis, God says,
“Let US make man in our image.” Look at that verse again:
“Let US make man in our image.” Who is “us?” Who is God
talking to? There wasn’t anyone created yet.
The answer is: God is talking to US. He’s talking to me. He’s
talking to YOU. And He’s saying that YOU are partners with
Him in the creation of your life.
(There are other explanations for this verse too.)
God deals you a hand. There’s nothing you can do to change
that. But you get to play that hand. You get to respond to the
events of your life. And it’s your response, your actions in
the future, which determine the meaning of the events
in your past.
So how do you get over the past? You don’t have to get over
the past. The past is over! What’s important is the
MEANING the past has for you NOW. And the MEANING
of your past is determined by your actions in the future.
The people I know who have the best marriages are people
who went through hell in their relationship. They “got over”
their past because they used it as a catalyst to IMPROVE
their situation.
In other words, the painful events inspired them to change
themselves and their marriage. And many people I know began
this process WITHOUT their spouse.
If you make the right moves, you will come to view certain
events as birth pains that led to a new AND IMPROVED
marriage. THAT’S how you “get over” the past.
It’s strange how life works sometimes, but if you play your
hand right, your hurts become part of your healing.
And, in fact, when it comes to relationships, it’s usually bad
times that awaken people to search for new ways.
I know you’re hurting. But if you’ll allow me to show you
how to rebuild your marriage, show you new ways, your
hurt will heal. I can’t make the past go away.
But I can help you give it a new meaning. Then, you’ll be
“over it.” And you’ll have a GOOD answer to the question:
Why did this happen to me?
I recommend this book, you will love read it
“Fight For Love and Get Back with your Ex today”
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